The Language of Motivation

 Do you find either of these quotes from Tomas Edison moving? Inspirational? Do they strike a key with you and how you see the world?

 "Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." ~Thomas Edison 

You can't realize your dreams unless you have one to begin with. 

Motivation is something that we all seek personally and as a leader something I am always trying to discover for the people that work for me.  Its an interesting question "What motivates you? we ask it and hear it all the time but do we really know how to answer it? If we could really tell someone exactly how to motivate us would it be a good thing? Or would you prefer to be influenced and not know that your motivation was coming from an external source?

Personally I hate asking that question, you inevitably get more of what people think you want to hear versus true insights. So how do we handle this problem.....if we can use language to articulate how we feel, what we think, and what we want, then why can't we use language effectively to translate what gets us going? 

I must warn you I am on a bit of a language kick, more words actually. Meaning that I am absolutely fascinated by how words, the right ones, can inspire positive action. I picked up a book that has been a delight to read, Great Speeches of the 20th Century. Teddy Roosevelt, Adolf Hitler, and Martin Luther King are all in there....and all of them used words to move people for better or worse.

"Every life is determined and evaluated by the interior form of love. Tell me what you love, and I will tell you who you are." Pope John Paul II June 18th 1983

What if I knew what motivated you and could use words to not only help me move you, but through the words you use help me understand what I should be saying? That's a field called neuro-linguistic programing, it started in the 70's and has had a variety of uses. While the original goals of neuro-linguistic programming were therapeutic, the patterns have also been adapted for use outside psychotherapy for interpersonal communications and interpersonal influence, used for coaching, team building, public speaking, negotiation, and communication. I prefer its application in the context of using language framing to influence and motivate. 

Let me try to explain.......

We all see the world through the filters of our lives. Our experiences to date make us who we are and influence our interpretation of what what we see and choose to do. These filters can sometimes be seen in the language we use. The easiest example to use is how we explain what is important to us, using the answers we can determine what or how we can be motivated.

Follow this conversation..........................

 

Why do you want to change your job? 

Because I would get more personal satisfaction,  make more more and spend more time with my family.

versus 

Why do you want to change your job?

Because I would get away from all of this boring work, all the deadlines and my boss who keeps looking over my shoulder. 

The first answer is someone who thinks in terms of what there is to be achieved, they are motivated to have, get, attain and so on...in essence they the are motivated toward something. The second is someone who thinks in terms of what should be avoided, gotten rid of or moving away from something. One is not better than the other, what appears to be a less positive behavior in the away approach can actually be a benefit in certain circumstances. These people have a tendency to be very good at solving problems and can be very valuable during projects as they can often see what can go wrong. By contrast we can all appreciate the toward type individual and their ability to drive until the goal is in sight........the message simply is that we could all use a little of both.

Knowing this simple idea that people come to the same thing from different points of view, how they see the situation differently can allow us to use the appropriate language to motivate. Sports is a field where this in its simplest form can be seen, and one that some of my readers will associate with! 

If I ask you "Why do you want to do this race?" And you answer "Because I have always wanted to finish in the top ten of my age group" you are more than likely are someone that is motivated by moving toward a goal. So what language would work the next time I am trying to move you to do something..........I might say something like......"if you commit yourself to the workout you will see an improvement and stand on the podium the next time you race."

If I ask the same question "Why do you want to do this race?" and you answer "Because I do not want to be unfit all of my life". You are more than likely motivated by words that support an away type of behavior and i would say "if you commit yourself to the workout you will be well on your way to never being unfit again!"

This may help explain why we sometimes seem to be talking and some people just don't hear us......

Clear as mud right? Well, it does take some time.....time to listen, time ask and time to get to know who you are dealing with. I do believe that we can inspire positive action through language, my goal is to move through the next months practicing this belief....with my "towards" people I will strive to use words like attain, have, get, achieve, enable you, and here's what you can accomplish! For my "away" folks I will endeavor to motivate with words that they hear like prevent, fix, not have to deal with, lets find out whats wrong, and their be no problems..........in the end its moving people, creating success and helping people become what they want to be....not what I think they should be. If that means understand and trying different ways to influence then I am all for it.........especially if its using words to do it!

So I leave you with a story, not meant to motivate but to cause reflection, just another incredibly powerful use of words and how they can impact our lives. Choose yours wisely, don't waste them, or think them frivolous, you have the power to motivate, educate, build confidence and destroy it, all with words.........the ones we pick can and have changed lives.

The Story of Two Wolves.........

One day an old Native American grandfather was talking to his grandson. He said, "There are two wolves fighting inside all of us - the wolf of fear and hate, and the wolf of love and peace."
The grandson listened, then looked up at his grandfather and asked, "Which one will win?"
The grandfather replied, "The one we feed."


Till next time...happy chatting...........

Traveling...love going....but getting there is work.........

Transporters, that's what I want.....just like in StarTrek, you punch the in the proverbial coordinates and 30 seconds later you are there. The thought of being broken down into molecules and reassembled is more than a little terrifying but sometimes I think its worth it. Beam me up Scottie!

So why all of a sudden write about traveling? Well I am actually on a little trip right now, no nothing exotic. Just a trip for work, heading to Toronto for the week so I thought I would reflect a little on the experiences I have when I travel. 

Let's start with Airports, I actually like airports. They are usually bustling and the variety of people to watch go to and fro is incredible. You, like everyone else are there for a reason; to go somewhere. Some people are getting ready for their next meeting while others are already dressed in their shorts and beach wear prepared to step off the plane in some tropical place. There are backpackers traveling alone, families, and businessmen and groups of tourists. Airports are truly a master of organization, between serving hundreds of thousands of people, the safety that has to be considered and the fact they are open 24/7 is beyond imagination. A fun place to be an observer..............

Then there are the people, like any service industry traveling seems to bring out the worst in people. Its not good enough that we are defying gravity and flying thousands of miles but we expect that its going to happen without one glitch, one little hick-up....your dreaming!

 

So back to my little trip, all went as expected this morning, I did a web check in yesterday and got a bulkhead seat...yeah, more leg room. Being a well behaved traveler I arrived at the airport 1 hour before my flight, but volume was light so no waiting. Went though security in a breeze, I usually do.....if you have ever seen that move “Up in the Air” there is a lot of truth to the suggestions he makes....I have a few rules that I always follow and they seem to help...a lot!

1. Never wear a lot of jewelry, keep it to little earrings and nothing else if you can help it.
2. Belts, avoid them unless you feel you may make a scene showing off your lacy underwear!
3. Shoes, easy on, easy off, AVOID laces..........!
4. Be efficient, what ever might draw attention in your bags – take it out!
5. Wait your turn, being rushed and looking irritated (even if you are) will only make things worse!
6. And most importantly...flash that wonderful smile and say thank you lots!

So now that we are through security I would like to go back to the attitude thing, why is it when people are travelling they seem to get all , well the best way I can put it is.......”its all about me!” Take the gentleman sitting behind me......right now. When I sat down in my window seat I did what I always do...empty my bag so I can put it away. This is a 5 hour flight so I want to have all of my gear at the ready. Laptop, glasses, headphones....water. Then I take my near empty bag and do what I am told “please place all of your bags under the seat....well that's what I tried to do....but nope! Two very large feet are wedged underneath my seat....they come so far forward that they almost touch my calf's. I mean I am not even getting a piece of paper under there. And when I give a subtle little nudge I get a NOT so subtle nudge back! When I turn all I see is a middle aged man staring at me like I have done something wrong.....but I say to myself....just because you are miserable doesn't mean I have to be to....so I settle my bag in a comfy place....after all I am at a bulk head seat...LOTS of room, unlike my new friend crammed in behind me!

So lets talk about seats........window or isle are both good for me, when I travel alone I prefer the window so I can star out every now and then. Near the front, easier out! And of course...first class whenever I can get it!

It has always amazed me how that middle arm rest always seem to be taken by someone else........you know, shouldn't you be able to say....you take it for the first half of the flight and I will take it for the second half? The man beside me now has been ruffling though papers and doing a move that mimics an eagle in flight with his arms.....I swear if he hits me again I am going to push back! But no, no Ann....remember your emotional intelligence – you choose what emotional reaction you are going to have....like getting really pissed off ....big deep yoga breaths!

So right now I have to move my legs, really....so I have a couple choices...get up and walk to the washroom or just rearrange in my seat. I really just want to rearrange but you remember Mr Eagle beside me, well he is not going anywhere soon and I am not sure I can do it without clipping one of his wings! Here goes!

Well that was not so bad....he even moved his feathers for me! 

So the rest of the flight unfolded without incident, a little blogging and 1 ½ movies later (I hate it when that happens) I landed comfortably at Pearson International Airport. A balmy -10 degrees (-21 with the windchill I am told) I quickly jumped into a limo...well they call them limo's but they are really town cars! I have traveled quite a bit through out my career, sometimes to nice places and sometimes not. I have developed a bit of a routine, which I am sure most people do.

First thing first, check in and ask all of the most important questions.....

1. What floor is the health club on?
2. Where is the best place to get a cup of coffee in the morning?
3. How long will it take to get to my destination the next morning?
4. Where can I get a reasonable dinner, both financially and quality?

With my answers in hand I head up to my room. Today I go to the 17^th floor....the top, nice, something about me asking for foam pillows?......I am staying at the Fairmont Royal York in Toronto and its a wonderful old hotel. Grand entrances and lobbies, wonderful woodwork and of course they make you feel great!

A quick review of the room, yep its nice, test the bed, comfy, the TV works, bathroom is good......time to settle in. I change and head down to the gym, Toronto is three hours ahead of Vancouver and its already dark...people are eating and drinking already because its 7pm! I know its important to get into the rhythm of the city but I HAVE to do something to feel better and a quick run on the treadmill will do the trick.

I journey down to the recommended eatery, a pub called Piper's....I think to myself I have to go there at least once.....that's the name of my niece: Piper-Jane! And so that's where you find me now while I am waiting on dinner, mussels and a pint of beer. I look around and see more tourists, lots of business people, maybe one bar fly but I am not going to get close enough to ask. The room is dark, aren't they all...they have a hockey game and a basketball game on the televisions. But its the music that is really catching my attention, old stuff....I am so bad at this game....if Dwight was here he would name that band in an instant, me...... not so much. So the song, well the chorus is “Ricky don't loose that number”? Thoughts anyone....yeah yeah I know...but I just don't remember...I know all of the lyrics if that's any consolation. Next on the play list, OH – I know this one......this is Santana....OK so some artists I just LOVE enough to remember all of their songs!

What interests me about the music is its different than the pubs in Vancouver, I cant say that I have heard this type of continuous classic rock played at a pub since I moved to Vancouver. Odd, it has never crossed my mind before but now that I am here I notice it. The music in the pubs out west is new music, you know the stuff that people my age go....”who is that singing”, and still don't recognize the name when you hear it” There is not one song that has been played here that I don't know.....interesting......is it the pub or the city?

On a side note, I think I have to say to anyone from BC reading.......the service we get there is really, really good.....I mean really.......good.

So I transition for a night cap upstairs in the Fairmont's Library Lounge, its a different world up here.......lots of suits,the bartender is definitely cuter, there are twice as many women in the room (interesting), they free pour their wine....and attention, attention attention.....did I mention they paid attention to you.........? I know what you are saying.....that's because you are paying tons of money for your drinks or dinner there...well actually I'm not. Granted I have only stopped for a glass of wine but its actually cheaper than I would pay in Vancouver...weird.

It's that attention that makes you feel special, and try to deny it all you want but we all want to feel special, be treated with respect and admiration.....some people thrive on it more than others that's a given, that's why we have Hollywood. But for regular folks like us, I think we want more than just fitting in, we want exclusivity, whether its the attention you get at a fancy hotel or being part of a team that everyone else wants to be a part of, we all want that feeling that we are part of something that is extraordinary. Well that is my rant for the evening.....some guy just sat beside me and has the stench of cigarettes oozing off of him ruining my entire vibe....sometimes public places can do that to you.......no matter how exclusive they are...........!

Tune in later in the week and I will be finishing up my trip with another post, hopefully you take a look.....

Till next time happy chatting..............