The Language of Motivation

 Do you find either of these quotes from Tomas Edison moving? Inspirational? Do they strike a key with you and how you see the world?

 "Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." ~Thomas Edison 

You can't realize your dreams unless you have one to begin with. 

Motivation is something that we all seek personally and as a leader something I am always trying to discover for the people that work for me.  Its an interesting question "What motivates you? we ask it and hear it all the time but do we really know how to answer it? If we could really tell someone exactly how to motivate us would it be a good thing? Or would you prefer to be influenced and not know that your motivation was coming from an external source?

Personally I hate asking that question, you inevitably get more of what people think you want to hear versus true insights. So how do we handle this problem.....if we can use language to articulate how we feel, what we think, and what we want, then why can't we use language effectively to translate what gets us going? 

I must warn you I am on a bit of a language kick, more words actually. Meaning that I am absolutely fascinated by how words, the right ones, can inspire positive action. I picked up a book that has been a delight to read, Great Speeches of the 20th Century. Teddy Roosevelt, Adolf Hitler, and Martin Luther King are all in there....and all of them used words to move people for better or worse.

"Every life is determined and evaluated by the interior form of love. Tell me what you love, and I will tell you who you are." Pope John Paul II June 18th 1983

What if I knew what motivated you and could use words to not only help me move you, but through the words you use help me understand what I should be saying? That's a field called neuro-linguistic programing, it started in the 70's and has had a variety of uses. While the original goals of neuro-linguistic programming were therapeutic, the patterns have also been adapted for use outside psychotherapy for interpersonal communications and interpersonal influence, used for coaching, team building, public speaking, negotiation, and communication. I prefer its application in the context of using language framing to influence and motivate. 

Let me try to explain.......

We all see the world through the filters of our lives. Our experiences to date make us who we are and influence our interpretation of what what we see and choose to do. These filters can sometimes be seen in the language we use. The easiest example to use is how we explain what is important to us, using the answers we can determine what or how we can be motivated.

Follow this conversation..........................

 

Why do you want to change your job? 

Because I would get more personal satisfaction,  make more more and spend more time with my family.

versus 

Why do you want to change your job?

Because I would get away from all of this boring work, all the deadlines and my boss who keeps looking over my shoulder. 

The first answer is someone who thinks in terms of what there is to be achieved, they are motivated to have, get, attain and so on...in essence they the are motivated toward something. The second is someone who thinks in terms of what should be avoided, gotten rid of or moving away from something. One is not better than the other, what appears to be a less positive behavior in the away approach can actually be a benefit in certain circumstances. These people have a tendency to be very good at solving problems and can be very valuable during projects as they can often see what can go wrong. By contrast we can all appreciate the toward type individual and their ability to drive until the goal is in sight........the message simply is that we could all use a little of both.

Knowing this simple idea that people come to the same thing from different points of view, how they see the situation differently can allow us to use the appropriate language to motivate. Sports is a field where this in its simplest form can be seen, and one that some of my readers will associate with! 

If I ask you "Why do you want to do this race?" And you answer "Because I have always wanted to finish in the top ten of my age group" you are more than likely are someone that is motivated by moving toward a goal. So what language would work the next time I am trying to move you to do something..........I might say something like......"if you commit yourself to the workout you will see an improvement and stand on the podium the next time you race."

If I ask the same question "Why do you want to do this race?" and you answer "Because I do not want to be unfit all of my life". You are more than likely motivated by words that support an away type of behavior and i would say "if you commit yourself to the workout you will be well on your way to never being unfit again!"

This may help explain why we sometimes seem to be talking and some people just don't hear us......

Clear as mud right? Well, it does take some time.....time to listen, time ask and time to get to know who you are dealing with. I do believe that we can inspire positive action through language, my goal is to move through the next months practicing this belief....with my "towards" people I will strive to use words like attain, have, get, achieve, enable you, and here's what you can accomplish! For my "away" folks I will endeavor to motivate with words that they hear like prevent, fix, not have to deal with, lets find out whats wrong, and their be no problems..........in the end its moving people, creating success and helping people become what they want to be....not what I think they should be. If that means understand and trying different ways to influence then I am all for it.........especially if its using words to do it!

So I leave you with a story, not meant to motivate but to cause reflection, just another incredibly powerful use of words and how they can impact our lives. Choose yours wisely, don't waste them, or think them frivolous, you have the power to motivate, educate, build confidence and destroy it, all with words.........the ones we pick can and have changed lives.

The Story of Two Wolves.........

One day an old Native American grandfather was talking to his grandson. He said, "There are two wolves fighting inside all of us - the wolf of fear and hate, and the wolf of love and peace."
The grandson listened, then looked up at his grandfather and asked, "Which one will win?"
The grandfather replied, "The one we feed."


Till next time...happy chatting...........